Front Page: The True Story of the Policeman's Ball

A couple weeks back, New York Times editor Rupert Berkley wrote a piece describing the heroicism of the Deputy Mayor and the Commissioner shortly before their death. As inspirational as that piece was, it painted a false picture of the Deputy Mayor. Were it not for his crooked schemes and his crooked deeds, the Commissioner and a lot of other innocent lives would not have been lost.

Our tale begins several months back when our self-serving civil servant decided that he was not getting enough money for his work. Rather than doing what any other self-respecting employee would do - ask for a raise - our Deputy Mayor decided that he would try to extort the mob.

So yeah, he was not only crooked, but an idiot.

Using the judges he had in his pocket, the Deputy Mayor pulled strings to ensure that high ranking members of the mafia would pay him off, rather than face jail time. Realizing that they were being extorted, the mafia family sent in their agents to work in the Deputy Mayor's office and uncover the extent of the conspiracy that was pulling their strings.

But they were not the only force investigating the matter. Forces of good began to get suspicious as well. The Commissioner was the first to put the pieces together. He started gathering evidence to place the mafia on RICO charges and the Deputy Mayor on corruption charges. The mafia sent in Il Martello ("The Hammer"), a hitman from Italy to kill them both. The hitman took care of both the Deputy Mayor and the Commissioner, but not from making a big scene out of the mess - the Policeman's Ball.

We're not sure if Il Martello was an amateur or a madman, but in any event, he's likely dead now. Unconfirmed rumors speculate that the mob was not happy with Il Martello. Yesterday, the remains of an Italian man matching the height and body-size of the hitman with his clothing was found in a burning car. This was likely the fate of Il Martello.

Also found yesterday was all the evidence the Commissioner had gathered. His widow had been cleaning out his safety deposit box and came across his heart-felt note to his widow, telling her that he loved her and that should anything happen to him, the true story of what was going on should be told to Internal Affairs. Also included in the lockbox were hundreds of documents - including financial statements - linking all the pieces of the story together. Our source at IA indicates the investigation is still ongoing, but in his words "the evidence seems pretty damning".

When we called up the Mayor's office, they denied involvment or knowledge of the Deputy Mayor's actions. Needless to say, this scandal will effect voting in November.

Nevertheless, for the time being, the city can rest easy tonight now knowing the real truth behind the tragic events in June.

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